I was making this list in my head while I was falling asleep and I didn't want to forget.

Gratitude: noun [grat-i-tood] the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.

that leaves change color, my bicycle, rooftops, fire escapes, waving at trains, finding Alexei at the Farmer's Market, the way people are nice in Austin, the closeness of cities in the Northeast, closing my eyes, seeing the Frost Building from my window, wishing on a star and finding out the peson next to you made the same wish, zines, libraries, John Steinbeck, memory of floating handmade paper boats down a river in Baltimore County, Britt's stories (that come in the form of letters and make me grin from ear to ear), the experience of living in Maine, walking in the snow, walking, towns where mail comes in "General Delivery", the Giants winning the Super Bowl, rusty bottlecaps, knowing how to drive, the last name Marquardt, being Italian, that flat tire, embroidery, my mom's sewing lessons, being reminded I love to embroider, cemetery flowers, Ashville, NC, Baltimore stories, having male friends finally, my health, peas and mac and cheese, french fries, grackels, sitting outside when it's cold and no one wanting to leave because everyone is having a great time, dark beers, pepper, onions and garlic, darkrooms, talking outloud to myself and being caught, glasses, impromptu yoga, falling asleep when I don't mean to, David Simon and all he has produced, pens and paper, grandpa, all those people who I don't see everyday, but when I do it seems nothing has changed, Rocket to Venus, Charm City Kitty Club, how everything is connected, repeat smiles from people I don't know, smiles, awkwardness, someone's hand on my forehead, truck stops, fields of wild flowers, wind, backroads, milk crates, sleeping in Stef's bed when she's not around, Stef, Mandy, Emmaline, Leah, Leah letting me hang out in the Props room at CenterStage, all the free plays I got to go to, the dumpster of wedding flowers I found, holding hands, porches, taking naps with dogs, rain, jade plants, learning, being brave enough to talk to new people, holgas, roasted peppers, tea bags, maps, sitting on hoods of cars, black t-shirts, leaving Baltimore, being excited to go back and visit, really good hugs, knowing there's more to be thankful for.

Goodnight.

Layer 1: streets of Charles Village, Mt. Vernon and down to the Inner Harbor (Baltimore)

Sketch of new project. This time a more literal map.

I've been thinking about this project for the past couple of days. I think I have it now. It's going to involve lots of words..minor poems perhaps, which are also being written right now. They are more sentences than poems, but can we ever define poetry? The project is a map again. This time more literal and of Baltimore, of where I lived and what happened in the past 2 years.
Today, Reagan and I walked from 12th and Salina to Barton Springs and back. We stopped at Cafe Mundi and that man that gave me his number was there. By the time I got home my legs were all wobbly and I decided to mash potatoes for 14 people. Then my arm was tired.
My horoscope is a good one this week. I'm reading In Dubious Battle by John Steinbeck. (The book has mold in its pages.) I also got a book of the letters he wrote. Minor obsession, but I think he's a good guy to be obsessed with. Less than a month until I land in Philadelphia. I'm really glad I left the East Coast, but I can't wait to see and walk along those streets again.

for An Atlas of the Difficult World

"I promised to show you a map you say but this is a mural

then yes let it be these are small distinctions

where do we see it from is the question

...

VII (The dream-site)

Some rooftop, water-tank looming, street-racket strangely quelled

and others known and unknown there, long sweet summer eve-

ning on the tarred roof:

leaned back your head to the nightvault swarming with stars

the Pleides broken loose, not seven but thousands

every known constellation flinging out fiery threads

and you could distinguish all

-cobwebs, tendrils, anatomies of stars

coherently hammocked, bluebank avenues between

-you knew your way among them, knew you were part of them

until, neck aching, you sat straight up and saw:

It was..." -Adrienne Rich from An Atlas of the Difficult World

The atlas is almost complete.

Terrain

i found you on the ground...

Fire hydrants and 40s have personalities too

ahhh...1200 block of walnut avenue i love you.

12:47pm. amanda yells down about a man being in our backyard. he is asking us to call the police. he's squatting behind our trash and recycling bin. he positioned them so they were a fort around him. he says nothing else, but asks us to call the police. while amanda is still on the phone, one cop car shows up and the man takes off into the street and waves down the car. over the next 20 minutes, four other cop cars show up. the man is telling about how a woman threw rocks at him this morning and he hit her, but just now her and another man came after him with a gun and tried to shoot him. the gun, however, was jammed. he just keeps talking and amanda is mumbling that he is talking too much. one of the cops comes into our backyard looking for the man's gun because he is convinced that the man was the one with the gun. amanda mumbles, "great." and i'm thinking about putting a lock on the gate to our yard.

which i go to do, only i can't, because apparently i'm not butch enough.

1:31am. (last night) i am once again sleeping in stef's bed because she is not home. i wake up because men are talking very loudly. i get mad because i know i can never fall back asleep. then i notice the flashing lights. i reach for my glasses and trip over stef's clothes (because her room is a mess). there's four cop cars postioned around my house, but nothing else is happening. i lay down and try to fall asleep. it takes over an hour.

(A) list.

1. Go see Mia Kirschner talk about her writing.
2. Get some black pants and a white shirt for your new job.
3. Positive thoughts before putting feet on the ground.
3a. Don't get down on yourself.
4. Cross the street and pick up wood for R & M's future fires.
5. Ride down to re-sale store to ask about volunteering.
6. Make more bags.
7. Get inspired.
8. Hope and pray. Hope and pray Lisa will really road trip in the next weeks, come to Austin so you two can ride back to the East Coast together.
9. Finish substitute teaching application.
10. Get clothes that fit.
11. Meet more people.
12. Dance (even if it's in the living room).
13. It's okay to daydream about going home for a couple of days. Yes, home. And hugs. Lots.
14. Buy plane tickets.
15. Return Random Family to library and find a new book. Suggestions? Steinbeck of course.


And done.
1. Clean grease from bicycle (pipe cleaners would be good for this.)
2. Finish application for Citizen Schools.

Something I started.

Britt called to tell me about soup, asked me if I was okay and I had to answer

Me as a comic.

Maggie as a comic.

Stef as a comic.

Better Known

The faucet water tastes like dirt again.
There’s limestone in the water
because it’s there in the earth.

It’s always the bird’s flapping wings that startles me.
There’s that long-legged Grackle tilting her head at me again.

This morning, I found a strand of her hair on my shoulder
like she had been sleeping there all night.

My first attempt at a comic. (Sorry I can't draw.)

How to open a box.

If I can't write a story, I'll write a list of things to do tomorrow.

1. Take plywood from trash pile up the street to build garden boxes. (Two: one for backyard, one for front yard)
2. Go to Jo's with laptop, finish fellowship application because those people are so wonderful (and you want to work with them.)
3. Postive thoughts before placing feet on the ground in the morning.
4. Send more job applications out.
5. Answer phone call accepting one of the two jobs you interviewed for last week.
6. Sew, embroider, sew those 3 1/2 by 3 1/2 squares together.
7. Go to library to take out Random Family because you remembered it exists and you never finished reading it.
8. Have lunch with Stef at Homeslice because it's Thursday.
9. Make friends with a Grackel. Refer to him as William Marquardt. He'll sit on your shoulder.
10. GO GO GO TO CAMP CAMP. (wooo)

This is my favorite.

I feel like reading.

My hands smell like garlic.

Why isn't stef home?

Happy Birthday, Mandy.

My handlebars have tears on them.

This happened.